Friendships can be complicated. Relationships can get ugly and messy. It’s part of being human. But on the other hand, it’s always refreshing to have that rare friend who is willing to correct you when you are wrong. Someone who is brave enough and humble enough to be teachable, and also mature enough to not let hurtful words and heavy emotion impede the ability to ask questions for clarity and have dialogue to resolve a dispute or misunderstanding. It’s hard though because of the defensiveness of ego. When an offense or mistreatment has taken place, there comes the rash of prideful assumptions and words spewing out to “put down” or “justify one’s anger”.
How often they later find themselves in shame and a gut wrenching feeling of guilt and remorse afterwards. Owning up to one’s faults and offering an apology is not easy. But there is relief that comes with correction and repentance. And increased awareness and learning if one is willing….even better when the friendship grows stronger and lasts longer! A true friendship through thick and thin, it reminds me of the kind of friendship David and Jonathan had. If you have a friend like that, be thankful for they are extremely rare.
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”-Proverbs 15:1
“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger calms dispute.”-Proverbs 15:18
Written by J.S. Park
Some years ago, my friend had messed up so I sent him a tirade of text messages. You know, the kind where your fingers are flying. It was a very colorful, creative, heated diatribe that I was proud of the entire way until I hit “send.” I regretted it the second it sent.
My friend asked to meet me the next day. He wanted to discuss what happened. At this local Chinese diner, my friend brought several sheets of paper—he had copied and pasted the entire log of our text messages and printed them out. I’m sure he used thirty point font.
Over Chinese food and chopsticks, he went through my texts line by line. He gently asked me to clarify what I meant. He didn’t do it to be hurtful or anything; he really wanted to have dialogue. Can you imagine? He read my own text messages out loud. With every word, I kept shrinking in my seat. My stomach shifted. It was awful to hear how snappy I was.
I apologized. A lot. My friend believed that what I said in those text messages was mostly right. But there’s a way of being “right” that isn’t right at all. It’s not enough to speak truly. Heat only works with light.
I’m glad my friend had the bravery to go through with that. It was a sobering moment of feedback for me, to really see how I sounded. It takes more than my own eyes to see.
I hope to remain teachable. To be open to worlds of thoughts I’ve never known. To know when I am wrong and when there’s a better way. And I hope for safe people who will give a chance for someone to change their mind. No one gets it right every time, and almost never the first time. We need grace, often the same grace that we forgot to have for others and ourselves.
— J.S.
Walking With God 