Ohhh here we go lol. *cue eye roll* Just kidding, but it is hard I won’t lie.
I’ve wrestled greatly with resentment and unforgiveness towards people who have offended me with very insensitive remarks and tone in their speech, attitude, and behavior. I didn’t hesitate to retaliate and would rejoice when I succeeded. Though it felt good at first, I regretted it later on. Through the years however, I’ve noticed the Holy Spirit’s evidence of work in my life as He placed obstacles in my path towards getting revenge and started taming me to bridle my tongue.
At times, I would get so angry when the other person wasn’t affected at all and questioned God on why He wasn’t convicting the other person. And God later spoke to my heart saying, “Do you need an apology or do you just want one?” Ouch. That convicted me alright. But overtime I began to realize that just because someone didn’t offer an apology or hasn’t changed his or her behavior, I don’t have to continue being offended and stay that way. All that does is steal the joy, freedom, peace, and love I’ve been given by God’s tender mercies and divine grace at the Cross. The more I continue festering wounds from the past, the more I allowed myself to be shaped by that and let it define who I was. Forgetting the grace of God in my life and in others.
I think it’s especially hard whenever the offender is a professed Christian, because we tend to have a higher expectation of them to be more loving, kind, and selfless and when they’re not, we feel more justified to hate them and disapprove of their actions. However, God is not like that at all. While we were sinners, God proved His love for us by sending His Son, Jesus, to die for us. (Romans 5:8) Even those who are unlovable, which all of us have been and are in some ways. But praise God for His Spirit within us to renew us and sanctify us into His image. Stripping away things from our fleshly nature that isn’t of Him. (Galatians 5:22-23). It’s a slow, ongoing process but God is patient, merciful, and kind to us even when we’re not.
I’ve read two great posts by Alicia and Kaitlin which I’ve copied and pasted below, that have helped me to ponder more evidences of grace and love in my life and in others more than I ponder their sins and weaknesses. God wants us to continually walk in that freedom from bondage of sin and unforgiveness. And to even lay our lives down for one another (John 15:13) with a 1 Corinthians 13 love. No matter how unlovable they are or how uncomfortable we feel towards them. We can only do that if we stay submitted to Him and not our flesh. (James 4:8) Even though it’s difficult and frustrating, it’s well worth it in the end.
I’m thankful to those who have stuck by me in my mess and have displayed genuine Christ-like humility, patience, forgiveness, and love when I deserved none of it. You’re the reason why I’m where I am today. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
As one of my friends, Amy, who’s a pastor’s wife said to me, “You’ll be rewarded as you continually seek the LORD and stay submitted to Him.” Not those exact words lol but basically the same.
Written by Alicia Jackson (Emphasis in red mine)
“When people are rude to you for no reason and you are a mature Christian (and still maturing), you no longer see it as an attack against you – but a war within them. Just another soul to show the love of Christ to anyway. Pray for anyway. Bless anyway.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood. There is no longer room for us to be insecure, prideful, and offendable when God is calling us to deeper place in our relationship with Him. The old man has passed away. One thing I’ve learned is love changes things. Another way to put it, God changes things. So keep loving and loving and loving. Even the people who work your nerves lol. Because God is doing a great work through you that is glorifying Him when you choose to ask Him to help you see, serve, and love people just as He does. Bonus: Love also covers a multitude of sins.
If God can forgive us of our trespasses against Him, we can for sure forgive others of their much smaller trespasses against us. Seventy times seven – and then some. Think about this the next time you want to seek immediate justice or lash out at someone… We too at some point in our lives, whether knowingly or unknowingly, have been an offender of another and also need mercy, grace, and forgiveness. ♡
Written by Kaitlin Garrison
Do you ever find yourself avoiding really hard and uncomfortable relationships? Maybe it’s the person who has an abrasive or quirky personality you just can’t stand.
The family member or fellow church go-er who deeply hurt or offended you. Or the friend who continually pushes you away. If we’re being real, it’s so much easier to turn a blind eye and disconnect, disengage, and pretend that our help, love and friendship doesn’t matter to them anyway.
My initial response to hard relationships is to simply avoid them. I don’t want to stick around because I feel awkward, inadequate and uncomfortable. I hate feeling uncomfortable! Don’t we all?
Recently, the Lord has been whispering to my heart: “Stop being afraid to get messy.”
–Insert big list of BUTS–
But, I like clean, easy to get along relationships.
But, I like when we both agree.
But, I like pleasant people.
But, I HATE being offended!
On the other side of the big BUT’s is the truth: It’s effortless to show kindness to “easy-to-love” people. ANYONE can do that. It’s really not even Christ-like. (Dang it).
“If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.” -Matthew 5:46-47
If loving those who are “easy to love” isn’t really even godly, then that must mean as followers of Christ we pursue the opposite: We love when it’s hardest to.
We love the “hard to love”.
When we’re annoyed, offended, discouraged, or defeated– We love.
When it’s easier to walk away and ignore– We stay.
When we feel pushed away–We pursue them in prayer.
The truth is, we’ve all been hard to love at some point. Without a doubt, there have been times when our brokenness and sinfulness leaked and everyone could smell it. When our attitudes sucked, negativity infiltrated our sentences, and bitterness robbed us of all joy. Those around us could have easily walked away in annoyance and disgust (maybe some did). But then there were those who reached in and got in our mess with us. Some comforted us while we tried to figure things out and others grabbed us by the hand, yanked us right out of that pig sty and pointed us to the cross.
I am so grateful for those who stuck with me in my stank. Their willingness to love me despite my “hardness” tells me a lot about the God who pushed them to stay.Their actions told me about a God who embraces us in our brokenness when we do everything to keep Him out of it.
That is one of the things I love most about Jesus, He has never been afraid to get messy.
Hallelujah, THIS is the God we serve!
The God who didn’t sit on His throne and send somebody else to do the dirty work.
No.
He came as a servant who rolled up His sleeves and wrapped a towel around His waist as He bowed low to reach into the mess we could never get ourselves out of.
The stench didn’t scare Him. The wounds didn’t gross Him out.
Because instead of staring at the clutter, He saw His children.
Though the hardness of our hearts screamed, “Go Away!”. He knew better. They were really crying out, “Come, save me.”
It’s a beautiful thing when we start to see those “hard to love” people the way Christ sees us. We get a little more compassionate because we can identify with them.
At the end of my life, I don’t want to be found in the spic-and-span, tidied up places. I want to be found amongst the sty I once lived in with my sleeves rolled up, holes in my jeans and dirt under my fingernails having been the hands and feet of the One who isn’t afraid to get messy.
What about you?
Walking With God 