There was a woman at my church who from the very start seemed rather introverted and wanted to be left alone. She rarely made eye contact with me or approached me to say hi when I first started attending, but there were times where she’d smile and greet me and I smiled and greeted her back. But I still kept my distance because I wasn’t so sure.
Then one day, I joined the church and the pastor had everyone come up to welcome me and when it was her turn, she hesitated and reached out her hand with a forced smile to shake mine. Noticing her hesitancy and discomfort on her face made me super uncomfortable, especially as she kept her eyes on me and continued walking with that facial expression. It really perplexed me and my overthinking brain couldn’t help but ponder her behavior. Things got even more awkward and weird whenever we would make eye contact at times every time I turned around, looked up, or walked by or into a room. It later became quite often to the point where I would suddenly turn around and see her narrowing her eyes at me from a distance with uneasiness or disdain. And she would look away each time I saw.
The situation really bothered me and made me very uncomfortable, I couldn’t comprehend the bizarre looks and stares each time. I assumed it may be due to a perceived misunderstanding so I decided to step out from my comfort zone to take the initiative and compliment her stylish appearance. Despite any suspicions or uneasiness she may have towards me or will have of me later. She was surprised and flattered it seemed and thanked me for being very kind. Proverbs 29:25 came to mind, “The fear of man is but a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
We humans have a natural tendency to want validation and acceptance from others thus worry about what other people might think. Our minds will ruminate over different possible avenues of opinions they may have about us or assume the worse case scenarios. But, you don’t have to live in that prison of discomfort, anxiety, and uncertainty. If you never knew or met this person would you care about what they think? If the answer is no, then why do you care now? When in doubt, always assume their thoughts about you are lovely or an absent-minded stare in your direction.
Buddha actually said something that really resonated with me. It goes something like, “If there is no solution to a problem outside of your control, then there is no problem.”
There are many Scripture verses that say the same thing when it comes to worrying and stressing over things we can’t control. Whether it’s with people or circumstances, it accomplishes absolutely nothing! So there’s no point in stressing and worrying about situations outside of our control and what people think, do, or say. You should only focus on what really matters and what you can control. Go to Biblehub.com and search for Bible verses on worrying and it will pull up a list of concordances with topical verses on that and underline them in your Bible.
Sometimes, it could just be the other person is shy, uncomfortable, wary, or awkward and in some cases, it’s not related to you at all.
As I’ve stated earlier, it’s pointless to ponder and worry about a person’s actions and behavior towards you. Whether it’s related to you or not doesn’t matter because it’s out of your control. The best thing you can do is to pray for that person and show them the Gospel love no matter what. And learn how to handle your own personal matters.
After my compliment to this woman, the situation hadn’t changed like I thought it would. The uncomfortable staring continued and wouldn’t stop no matter how friendly or discreet I was towards her. So one day, I confronted her to address her behavior and my discomfort with politeness and direct honesty, and she apologized stating she wasn’t doing it purposefully or noticed it. All this time, her self-awareness was very low and she’s just a very shy person.
I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced something bizarre or uncomfortable like that, but if you have experienced discomfort or the same situation with someone at your church or wherever you are, here’s my encouragement: Pray Proverbs 29:25 and for a 1 Corinthians 13 love. Keep praying that as well as wisdom and peace. And if there’s an issue or conflict that needs to be addressed, don’t hesitate or be afraid to speak up. And just keep being you. Simple as that 🙂
Walking With God 